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Literature Text
I want it!
sweet,
fluffy inside,
lick the icing,
Cake
I want it!
hot,
cruncky out,
fluffy in,
dipping sauce,
Chips
I want it!
sweet,
fluffy inside,
lick the icing,
Cake
I want it!
hot,
cruncky out,
fluffy in,
dipping sauce,
Chips
I want it!
Not overly keen on this piece. It needs some definate editting.
So I put it to you. Any crit would be nice.
So I put it to you. Any crit would be nice.
© 2007 - 2024 Tari-Xalyr
Comments4
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I'd elaborate and make the "inside" and "outside" more descriptive. and maybe find words more desirous? which is to say, "want" isn't as intense as "crave" or something more intense. I'd check thesaurus.com if you feel the urge. and more descriptive of the appearance of the cake and of the chips. what do they look like, smell like, even feel like? make them sensual subjects, like, smooth-satiny icing, etc. I dunno. maybe give it a shot of drama or something 
